Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize