The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
