got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
