Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
