Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
its not stalking. its research.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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