Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
