VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
