This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
