there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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