And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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