in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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