No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
