No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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