It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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