He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
