I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
