just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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