Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
