When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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