just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
