You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
