It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
