i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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