I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
no, he came in my armpit
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
