My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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