i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
