what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
don't judge my taste in strippers
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
