Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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