A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Never underestimate the power of titties
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
