the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
