well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
