hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
