shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
