You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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