The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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