I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
