hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
