Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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