Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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