My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Text me some of your sweat
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
