I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
