the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
