whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's shark week go big or go home
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
