idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
