im about as happy as oj after his trial
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
