I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
