worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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