I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
