Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
