happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
