This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
