Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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